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This article (Looks Don't Count), is fan fiction and isn't automatically canon. On the other hand, no one said it isn't.

Unlike the Not Canon banner, this page is not intended to be seen as lore from Team Paradox, and is instead something from the mind of the author. It is, however, supposed to be read and enjoyed. Have fun! You should also browse the fan fiction category for more content. Maybe these will inspire you to write your own projects.


Walkin' tall machine gun man
They spit on me and my home land"

- "Rooster" by Alice in Chains, a song written in the 90's about a boy's father who served in Vietnam

Looks Don't Count

                                                                                                                            Sergeant Frank Woods
                                                                                                                                  July 4th, 1969
                                                                                                                      Siege of Khe Sanh, Vietnam

Frank didn't see it coming, but there he was, defending Khe Sanh, alongside Rangers of the ARVN. All around him, they dug in deep, ready to die. That's why Woods admired the guys; they got down and dirty, just like him.

They knew they would likely die, and fall to the Vietcong, but they weren't about to give up the hill without a fight. Even though they'd probably lose, they'd still tear a limb off of the commie military. All of the hill, up and down, was lined with deeply-dug trenches, filled with Rangers armed to the teeth with flamethrowers, MX-15 assault rifles, grenade-launchers, rockets, and Gatling-Guns. Amongst the Rangers were cold-hearted killers, war-veterans who've fought for their country's freedom since the beginning of the Vietnam war, and beyond that, troopers who were fighting the Soviets themselves during WWII. Craters were dug in, for entrenching Peacock Tanks and Beagle Tanks, ready to take anything that Charlie had to throw at them.

Woods had on a Peacekeeper vest, a sleeveless uniform, and tiger-stripe camo-pants, as well as a pair of German-made steel-toe boots and a 1st Air-Cav headband. He was armed with an MG-60 machine-gun and a Javelin missile launcher.

He and two other Reservist operatives, Jason Hudson and Alex Mason, have been around the South-Vietnamese, mostly to supervise. After a few months of combat, they just blended into the dirt with the ARVN. There were other Allied grunts, before they were destroyed by the NVA.

Jason was at the top of the hill, shades reflecting the Vietnamese sun, with an AKD-45, with a jury-rigged scope. Alex waited at the very front of the battlefield armed with a Grummond-9 with a Dragon's Breath shells, ready to cook some commies.

The enemy approached, 200 NVA Regulars, 150 Victor-Charlies, 20 Pincer ICV's, and 6 Mammoth Tanks. To the Rangers, those guys were just children wearing silly pajamas and wielding toys and tin-cans.

As they came closer and closer, Hudson from the top shouted, "Fire!" and grenades went flying towards the gooks. Upon explosion, it sent five guys tossing in the air, limbs twirling freely. The Gatling-Guns purred, as lead tore up the invaders. The flamethrowers made a horrible scream as the fire-fountain cooked the bad guys.

But the enemy still approached in earnest, fixing bayonets. They flooded the trenches, stabbing at the frontal Rangers, as Mason started firing his shotgun at them. BOOM! BOOM! The incendiary shells scorched the enemies.

Woods set up his MG's bipod, aiming it towards the opposing forces. He opened up the weapon's trapdoor, fed a belt of bullets into the breech, and slammed the trapdoor down. RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT! His weapon suppressed the men swarming the trenches, as smoke came through the muzzle like a smoking pipe.

The Pincer ICV's started rolling closer, their machine-guns spraying over. Woods set the MG's handle down and reached for his Javelin launcher. The missiles were loaded. Some of the Rangers pulled out their LAW's and locked onto the vehicles, and started firing rockets, while Woods fired a flurry of missiles in a rapid shot.

One of the Pincers went up in smoke.

The dug-in Beagles turned their turrets to the enemies. After a brief second, their cannons went off, shelling the North Vietnamese. Another three ICV's up in smoke.

The Gatling-Guns spun up again, hosing the bandits with bullets, ripping apart flesh. They then aimed at the vehicles, pelting them in a hailstorm.

The first few row of trenches, unfortunately, were over-taken by the commies. After taking cover, they pushed forward. As they moved onward, Hudson got on his knees and aimed his rifle at the Regulars below, semi-automatic setting. Pow. Pow. Pow. The enemies dropped like bad habits. He then cooked a frag grenade and threw at the bastards. KA-BOOM! Hot pepper flew everywhere, killing the enemies.

The Mammoth-Tanks slowly rolled over the trenches firing their double-cannons and launching their rocket-pods. One of the Beagle turrets were struck, thrown into the sky. The others bust into flames at the mercy of the Mammoths.

Frank decided this was the end, so he shouted, "Charge!" and the Rangers pushed out of their entrenchments and charged at the enemies. As they raced to the bad guys, they fired blindly, shooting another gook in any direction. Flamethrowers left a corona of napalm all over. But then, suddenly, Woods got a radio transmission. It was the C.O. It said, "Frank, order your troopers to fall back! Now!"

Frank snapped back, "No surrender! We fight to the last breath!"

"You don't understand. We have an airstrike on its way."

"Alright." Woods responded, and he shouted, "FALL BACK! GET BACK IN YOUR ENTRENCHMENTS!"

Some of them obeyed, while the others ignored the American, still beating up the enemy soldiers. Suddenly, Woods heard a loud roar of dozens of jet engines. To his utter shock was six Century-bombers. What the fuck? Mason thought to himself. Never has he ever seen Centuries, especially in Vietnam. He thought that the Allies were only sending in Helis and Hawkers. What're those guys doing?

Mason quickly rushed towards Woods and grabbed him, rushing to the top of the hill. The magnificent bombers above opened their bombing-bay doors and dropped their payload, tons and tons of HE bombs. The Mammoths were blanketed in them, and unfortunately, a handful of ARVN Rangers were killed by the explosions, for ignoring Woods. His radio had another transmission. It shouted, "YEEEEEEE-HAAWWW!!!" Must've been the hillbilly pilots, flying the beasts.

"Y'know," Mason said to Woods, "You look like hammered shit."

"Well," Woods responded, "Looks don't count in 'Nam."

                                                                  THE END.

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